The Victim Mentality

 

Narcissistic Descent Into Alcoholism

 Around the time that my ex-husband and I were living in Sherman Oaks and he was working on a huge and important project, he began his descent into alcoholism with what is commonly called Boiler Makers.

His temper was just under the surface and if you looked at him wrong and he would flair up into one of his alcoholic rages and throw his captain's chair and yelling...lots of yelling.

Then his nocturnal wandering began.  

He would rise from his sleep and start looking for a place to pee. He would pee in the trash in the kitchen a lot, go outside into our back yard and he even tried to pee in my closet.

With four children to raise he no longer was the center of attention and that did not sit very well with his narcissistic personality. He held a pretty important position and had people "yes siring" him all day at work.  He needed that type of adoration at home and it wasn't happening.   

When a narcissist sees you as being too strong, this is what they'll do ...

The Beginning of The end

 It's hard to say exactly what the tipping point was that ushered in my plan to rid myself of my alcoholic ex-husband, the one day does stand out in my memory as being a critical point.

My ex-husband kept complaining about my housekeeping, parenting, shopping and then he said he never had anytime to himself.  To accommodate him I began taking our four children to church more regularly and ended up a deaconess and took over the running of the churches' nursery room.   

I did this as a way for my ex-husband to have some alone time. It worked out well for awhile and then he started complaining about how it wasn't enough.  I was getting pretty tired of his complaining  to me about me ALL of the time so I decided to quit the church and stay home on Sundays with OUR children. Now, he was back to square one.

I decided that since he didn't want to be around the children all of the time I could divorce him and he could be alone as much as he wanted except for his children's visitation days.

My ex-husband couldn't even bring himself to say alcoholic, instead he called himself a "juice head" and left it at that.  This concession was way after we were divorced.

A woman doesn't do everything she can to ensure that her children have a healthy start by eating right, drinking lots of water, no smoking, no drinking no unnecessary medications. A woman doesn't breast feed her children, make her own baby food and use cloth diapers for the first six months only to take them apart emotionally, psychology and mentally down the road.  

The ex-husband had plenty of time to put together a plan of action to negatively impact our children's view of me because while married he was always stopping over at his parent's house and complaining about me. It got so bad that his mother started tripping at a family holiday dinner when I asked my eldest daughter to fetch a diaper so I could burp my baby son. "Doesn't she do anything?" she yelled. 

Who the hell do you think got up every morning and got all four children ready for the day? Needless to say that was the end of having any family holiday meals at his parent's home. I wasn't going to voluntarily go to his parent's home to put up with that crap.

After watching Dr. Phil's podcast on Narcissists I realized why my ex-husband was always complaining about me
, yelling at me and why he became violent toward me...he couldn't control me like some Stepford Wife and have me be a bobble head "yes" wife.

Only a Super Empath Can Destroy The Narcissist, Here’s How

Living With Alcoholic Rage and Narcism

 I want to touch base on a few issues to reiterate why my ex is a narcissist.

When my ex was told to leave one of his parting shots was "I am the reason you write." During the whole time we were together my ex did not write anything nor did he go to college to write like I did.

Telling my daughter I would come on another day for her daughter's birthday because my ex was going to be there is not "weaponizing" the grandchildren.  It is protecting myself from a narcissist for whom I have a restraining order.  The ex is "weaponizing" the children to use (yet another) family occasion to have at me. Protecting oneself from a narcissist is not being a narcissist.

Smacking the right side of my face because my ex did not like my answer is a narcissist.  Doing it while drunk is also an alcoholic rage event.  My right eye was twitching before surgery from my ex's smack across the right side of my face.

Having one of the children visit another child just prior to Mother's Day in order to create a situation over something I ultimately did NOT do is a narcissist.  Ruined Mother's Day with the sibling in question. 

For my youngest daughter to tell everyone that she is done with her sibling's rage issues, but expecting me to put up with their father's very same issue (maybe worse) is just plain ignorant. 

These are just a few of the thousands of times my ex has created situations that demonstrate his narcissistic tendencies.

"You're A Drunk. You're An Alcoholic. You're A Rageaholic." -- Dr. Phil

Dr. Phil - The Malignant Narcissist (Part 3)

Covid 19 and Loss Of Vision, Dental Issues and Alcoholism

 Haven't been writing because I had cataracts that made it feel like I was looking through an onion skin and it was very painful to look at the computer screen or telephone. In addition to the cataracts my ex smacked me across the right side of my face which caused my right eye to twitch up until the surgery when it was fixed. The UCLA Long Covid Clinic is of the opinion that having Covid and Long Covid twice acerbated my cataracts and caused an infection in my gums that would not go away without oral surgery.

As we head into Summer, my gum issues are under control and I have had surgery on one eye and the other in the future.  I was working on a book about growing up on the Sunset Strip, getting arrested for curfew and the ultimate riot on Sunset Strip. I intend to include what it is like to live with a Narcissist. I will soon be picking up where I left off.

Alcohol in the lives of my family and its effects have become quite a concern.  It is a tough pill to swallow when you remember that your ex used to give one of our children alcohol as a child.  They would get drunk and he would laugh. I asked several times for him to stop, but to no avail.  That child is now an out of control alcoholic. If what one of their siblings is saying is true, this child has been drinking since high school.

When I refused to fund this child recently they lashed out at me with very unkind words which I am sure once they get sober will be embarrassed about.  I even went so far as to remind that child why one of their siblings no longer wants to speak to them...Rages.

It is a sad situation indeed, and all I can hope for is that one of their siblings will take pity and take care of their sibling's need for rehab, or the father that needs to step up.  I would rather lose this child to my ex than have them land out on the streets because they will never be able to handle it.

While I am not sure how much of what this child has been saying to me is true and/or is just a manipulative ploy, I just want to see ALL of my children get along and get past the negativity that they've been fed and the angry hostility to ebb. The last few weeks have been an emotional roller coaster with my emotional buttons being pushed in all manner of manipulative ways. 

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