On Domestic Violence Part 3: Bit's & Pieces
During our most recent elections I threw in with Hydee Feldstein Soto as our new City Attorney. I endorsed her to most of my friends, neighbors and on social network platforms as she is the first candidate to make Domestic Violence a priority. She has stated that 30 percent of homeless women are homeless because of Domestic Violence which I could relate to...my ex decided one day that he was no longer going to pay me child support because he had other pressing issues. My 4 children and I could have ended up homeless. Because I refused to accept that demand and his ensuing bullying, he paid it after a delay...you cannot go against a court order. FYI this was one of his frequent alcoholic rages that he would wait until the children were not around to exhibit.
Soto read my first blog on Domestic Violence and saw the collage that is about the effects upon female's brains as a result of Domestic Violence...it is titled "Beer With A Chaser." She was also given written permission to use the piece anyway she wanted.
When my children and I moved out of our house and into an apartment that was owned by our attorney I thought that we would be safe from his outbursts, but no such luck.
By the time we moved into this building I was in therapy for Domestic Violence and was being treated for an acute case of PTSD. During our time at this residence social services came to visit looking for a prostitute (me) I was constantly being harassed by police because they thought I was a prostitute, shot at with a paint pellet gun, my eldest son had the crap beat out of him by two police as he was going to the market for me. Because of a local government program I was able to get help dealing with the emotional abuse I was experiencing. The doctor suggested that it might be my ex that was behind all of the problems I was experiencing. The doctor had access to all information related to my situation which included police reports that were incriminating against my ex. I had a hard time accepting that my ex could be so contemptible.
At the time all of this harassment I was going to college studying ECE (Early Childhood Education) and Journalism. I had an A/4.0 GPA in spite of all the efforts to keep it from happening. My ex was telling our children that I hadn't even graduated high school at the time. In spite of all the manipulation and bullying, I made it. While in high school I studied ECE and writing as well as art. I had been writing since I learned how to spell and write and yet my ex screamed at me that if it wasn't for him I wouldn't be writing. This "writer" graduated high school by the seat of his pants because I'm guessing he thought that he was too smart for high school. He never went to college to study anything let alone writing. He used to yammer on about Citizen News "almost" hiring him to write for them, but then they closed...how convenient.
I would communicate one paragraph and he would write a ten page screed that rambled on and on and used the tiniest print he could find. Yeah, the Citizen News wanted him to write for them. LOL
Every therapist I've gone to has advised me to cut off all communication with him until he can be civil, stay sober and admit his alcoholism and subsequent abuse. I finally listened and that is when he went to work on our children. Using your children to get back at the ex while professing your love for them is contemptible. To this day, he has never owned any of his aberrant behavior toward me. He has used two family events to attack me which is when I said enough.
As for my cheating on him, I cheated with my eldest son's father. I did so in order to receive some positive input instead of the constant onslaught of: no one cares about what you have to say, you are nothing without me, you are so stupid, you are such a lousy wife and mother etc, etc. I am not making excuses for myself, but am explaining how my ex's alcoholism affected me. I needed to hear some positive input. The "you wouldn't be writing if it wasn't for me" was stated when I threw him out.
Come to think of it, I never saw him write anything publishable during our entire relationship.
In the opening I posted two things that I have posted on social networking sites. Parental Alienation is the professional term for what my ex did and still does and the second one is why he turned to trying to destroy me for revenge.
Up until recently I was scared that he would get into my security building somehow and kick in my door (like he used to do at our house) and try to finish the job of destroying me. I have found out that he is blind from glaucoma and cannot drive any longer. Plus, if he's telling the truth he is suffering from Parkinson's Disease which often afflicts alcoholics.
I feel a bit safer now and have advised the office to not allow any of my children or ex husband into my current apartment building because they are not welcome the way that they are.
